Safety tips for 4th of July

hmm.. 🤔 🙄 😳 😂 🤣
über should know that I haven’t been driving since February but still sends me these emails..

Forwarded message:

From: Uber <noreply>
Date: Thu, Jul 2, 2020, 4:45 PM
Subject: Safety tips for 4th of July
To: <me>

To prioritize your health, all riders are required to wear face covers.


Thank you for keeping the world moving

David, you’ve gone above and beyond in helping to keep our communities safe during COVID-19. To help keep you safe, riders are required to wear a face cover or a mask and sit in the backseat.
Before every trip, we ask riders to confirm that they’re taking certain safety actions, such as wearing a face cover or a mask and sitting in the backseat.
If the rider is not wearing a face cover or a mask, you can cancel the trip without any impact to your cancellation rate. Select “No face cover or mask” and we’ll follow up with the rider; repeated reports on the same rider will result in deactivation of their account.
We’ve also worked with the CDC to share these safety tips:
  • If possible, roll the windows down to keep the air circulating and help reduce transmission of illness.
  • Let riders handle their own belongings to help reduce the risk of exposure.
  • If you are delivering via Uber Eats, please observe social distancing guidance, especially when waiting for food.
Learn more
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Uber Technologies

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Why Didn’t We Come Up With These?

Traffic lights in Ukraine. The pole lights up too.

This water fountain allows the water to flow down so dogs can drink, too.

An accessibility mat on the beach for strollers and wheelchairs.

This pill bottle lid tells you when it was last opened.

Seniors and handicapped people can extend the cross time for this eight-lane highway.

This restaurant has a toe opener for those who want to avoid germs on the doorknob.

This shopping cart has a calculator so you know how much you’re spending.

This bar has a frost strip so you can keep your drink cold.

This tire tells you when it’s time to change it.

This mirror has a heated part so it doesn’t steam up after a shower.

These tiny model tents give you a look at what you’re buying.

This elevator shows how close to capacity that is based on the weight of the riders.

This inflatable mattress turns the back of your car into a bed.

Trash cans in Copenhagen are angled so that cyclists an throw their trash while cycling.

Analytical Approach to Life

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Some new jokes

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Trump’s Chauffeur

Trump was touring the countryside in his chauffeur-driven limo , s uddenly, a donkey jumps out onto the road, and they hit it full on and the car comes to a stop. Trump said to the chauffeur: ‘ ’ You get out and check, you were driving ’’, t he chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead. ‘You were driving , go and tell the farmer’ , said Trump. Hours later, the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair ruffled with a big grin on his face. ‘My god, what happened to you?’ asks Trump.

The chauffeur replies: ‘When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of whiskey, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter took me upstairs and made love to me.“

‘What on earth did you say to them?” asks Trump . I knocked on the door, and when they answered, I said, “I’m Trump’s chauffeur and I’ve just killed the jackass.“

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Donald Trump and the Queen

Donald Trump met with the Queen of England, and he asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"

"Well," replied the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Trump frowned, and then asked, "But how do I know the people around you are really intelligent?"

The Queen took a sip of tea. "Oh, that’s easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle."

The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "Please send Boris Johnson in here, would you?"

The Prime Minster walked into the room and said, "Yes, Your Majesty?"

The Queen smiled and said, "Answer me this, if you would, Boris. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"

Without pausing for a moment, he answered, "That would be me."

"Yes! Very good," said the Queen.

Trump went back home to ask Mike Pence the same question. “ Mike, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It’s not your brother and it’s not your sister. Who is it?"

"I’m not sure," said Pence. "Let me get back to you on that one." He went to his advisers and asked everyone, but none could give him an answer.

Finally, Pence ran in to his friend Jack Murphy in a restaurant the next night. Pence asked, "Jack, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it’s not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Jack Murphy answered right back, "That’s easy, it’s me!"

Pence smiled, and said, "Thanks!"

Pence then went back to speak with Trump. "Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle: It’s my friend Jack Murphy!"

Trump got up, stomped over to Pence, and angrily yelled, "No, you idiot! It’s Boris Johnson!"

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Self isolation!

Just seen a news report about the stresses and strains of self isolation. It reported that people are going crazy from being in lock down!

It was strange, actually, because I had just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster and all of us agreed that things are getting bad. I didn’t mention anything to the washing machine as she always has to put a different spin on everything, and certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold and distant. In the end the iron calmed me down. She said everything will be fine, which surprised me because she’s usually the first one to apply unnecessary pressure and get steamed up over nothing !!! I think she might have been sneaking off to the medicine cabinet. 😂😂

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Rush 🤔

Quotes from the man who just received the Presidential Medal Of Freedom, radio hate-jockey, Rush Limbaugh. (He received it a day after announcing he has advanced lung cancer):

Rush Limbaugh on Blacks in America:
“You know, I’m fine with Blacks in America, somebody needs to clean out the sewers.”

Rush on Slavery:
“Slavery built the South. I’m not saying we should bring it back; I’m just saying it had its merits. For one thing, the streets were safer after dark.”

Rush on the genocide of American Indians:
“Columbus saved the Indians from themselves.”

Rush on Michael J Fox having parkinsons disease:
“He is exaggerating the effects of the disease. He’s moving all around and shaking and it’s purely an act… This is really shameless of Michael J. Fox. Either he didn’t take his medication or he’s acting.”

Rush on the NFL:
“Look, let me put it to you this way: the NFL all too often looks like a game between the Bloods and the Crips without any weapons. There, I said it.”

[To an African American female caller]:
“Take that bone out of your nose and call me back.”

Rush on feeding poor children in public school:
“If you feed them, if you feed the children, three square meals a day during the school year, how can you expect them to feed themselves in the summer? Wanton little waifs and serfs dependent on the State. Pure and simple.”

Rush on a 13 year old girl:
“Socks is the White House cat. But did you know there is also a White House dog?” (Rush Limbaugh, while holding up a photograph of 13-year-old Chelsea Clinton)

Rush on feminism:
“Feminism has led women astray. I love the women’s movement — especially when walking behind it.”

Rush on LGBT:
“When a gay person turns his back on you, it is anything but an insult; it’s an invitation.”

Rush on women:
“Women still live longer than men because their lives are easier.”

Rush on women protesting sexual harassment:
“They’re out there protesting what they actually wish would happen to them sometimes.”

Rush on what criminals look like:
“Have you ever noticed how all composite pictures of wanted criminals resemble Jesse Jackson?”.

Rush on Sandra Fluke who testified that women should have access to affordable contraceptives:
“It makes her a slut, right? It makes her a prostitute. She wants to be paid to have sex. She’s having so much sex she can’t afford the contraception. She wants you and me and the taxpayers to pay her to have sex. What does that make us? We’re the pimps. (interruption) The johns? We would be the johns?”


(Borrowed from Facebook)

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They warm the heart.

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Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on a park bench one

morning. The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn’t

even short of breath. The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy’s stamina

and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87-year-old said, "Well, I eat Jewish rye bread every day. It

keeps your energy level high and you’ll have great stamina with the

ladies. You’ll feel like 40 again!"

So, on the way home the 80-year-old stopped at the bakery. As he was

looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help. He said,

"Do you have any Jewish rye bread?"

She said, "Yes, there’s a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He said, "I want five loaves." She said, "My goodness, five loaves!

By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it’ll be hard."

He replied, "I can’t believe everybody knows about this shit but me."

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A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.

Three women, from England , Wales , and Ireland, were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.

The English woman said, ‘Have you ever had a hug?’ The man said, ‘No,’ so she gave him a hug and walked on.

The Welsh woman said, ‘Have you ever had a kiss?’ The man said, ‘No,’ so she gave him a kiss and walked on.

The Irish woman came to him and said, ‘ave ya ever been fooked laddie?’
The man broke into a big smile and said, no.

She said, ‘Aye – Ya will be when the tide comes in.’

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