Semen specimen..

An 85-year-old man, Max, was requested by his doctor to produce a semen specimen as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gives him a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

Doctor Cohen asked, what happened and the man explained. "Well, doc, it’s like this–first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Malka the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"

The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get that jar open."

Categories: Uncategorized | 2 Comments

C-NILE VIRUS

The virologists have identified a new Nile virus type C.

It appears to target those who were born prior to 1950.

The lockdown seems to be increasing the chances of being affected!

Virus Symptoms
1 Causes you to send the same E-mail twice.
2 Causes you to send a blank E-mail.
3 Causes you to send an E-mail to the wrong person.
4 Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you.
5 Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.
6 Causes you to hit SEND before you’ve finished.
7 Causes you to hit DELETE instead of SEND.
8 Causes you to hit SEND when you should DELETE.
This virus is called the C-NILE virus!

And if you can’t admit to doing any of the above, you’ve obviously caught the other strain the D-NILE virus.

Categories: Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Back in 1920’s…

…Mrs. Goldstein decided to leave NY for a vacation in Miami Beach. She decided to make a reservation at the Fontainebleau hotel (which at the time, infamously would not rent rooms to Jews or other minorities)

She got to the front desk and signs her name in the ledger. The clerk looks at her signature and says,

"Oh there must have been a mistake. You can’t stay here."

"What do you mean?" she answers confused.

"Well, your last name is Goldstein. You can’t stay here." To which he points to the sign saying ‘No Jews’

"Oh, you think I’m Jewish? I’m not Jewish."

"Oh really? If that’s the case, you can answer these questions…Who is our lord and savior?"

"Why, Jesus, of course…" she answers without hesitation.

"Uh huh. And where was he born?" the manager snidely asks.

"In the city of Bethlehem, In a manger."

"Uh huh. And why was he born in a manger?"

"Because a schmuck like you wouldn’t rent a room to a nice Jewish couple!"

Categories: Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Jewish taxi driver..

A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York City and laid down on the back seat.

The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the cab.
The woman glared back at him and said, “What’s wrong with you, honey? – Haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?”

The old Jewish driver answered, “Let me tell you sumsing, lady. I vasn’t staring at you like you tink; det vould not be proper vair I come from.”

The drunk woman giggled and responded, “Well,if you’re not staring at my boobs or ass, sweetie, what are you doing then?”

He paused a moment, then told her…”Vell, M’am, I am looking and I am looking, and I am tinking to myself,’Vair in da hell is dis lady keeping de money to pay for dis ride?

Categories: Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Autocorrect

🤔 🙄 😳 😂 🤣

Categories: Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Math For Dummies 😁

Categories: Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Time travel

Nope, nope.. 🙄😲

Categories: Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Shop Signage

Categories: Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Laugh!

Signs that tell a story…

1738ddb2.jpg

338dde1.jpeg

1038ddf0.jpg

2638de00.jpg

1838de0f.jpg

2438de1f.jpeg

1638de2f.jpeg

1438de3e.jpg

2338de5d.jpg

838de6d.jpg

2738de7d.jpg

138de9c.jpeg

2538deab.jpg

1538debb.jpg

938deda.jpg

1138deea.jpeg

638df09.jpg

1338df19.jpg

2838df47.jpg

2038df38.jpg

438dda2.jpg

Categories: Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Funny, but True…the truth be told about Israeli quirkiness

By: Hungarian – Israeli humorist, Efraim Kishon

Israel is the only country in the world, where patients visiting physicians end up giving the doctor advice.

Israel is the only country in the world, where no one has a foreign accent because everyone has a foreign accent.

Israel is the only country in the world, where the leading writers in the country take buses.

Israel is the only country in the world, where people cuss using dirty words in Russian or Arabic because Hebrew has never developed them.

Israel is the only country in the world, where the graffiti is in Hebrew.

Israel is the only country in the world that has a National Book Week, where almost everyone attends a book fair and buys books.

Israel is the only country in the world with bus drivers and taxi drivers who read Spinoza and Maimonides.

Israel is the only country in the world, where no one cares what rules say when an important goal can be achieved by bending them.

Israel is the only country in the world, where reservists are commanded by officers, male and female, younger than their own children.

Israel is the only country in the world, where "small talk" consists of loud, angry debate over politics and religion.

Israel is the only country in the world, where ultra-Orthodox Jews beat up the police and not the other way around.

Israel is the only country in the world. where bank robbers kiss the mezuzah as they leave with their loot.

Israel is one of the few countries in the world that truly likes and admires the United States .

Israel is the only country in the world, where everyone on a flight gets to know one another before the plane lands. In many cases, they also get to know the pilot and all about his health or marital problems.

Israel is the only country in the world where people call an attaché case a "James Bond" and the "@" sign is called a "strudel.”

Israel is the only country in the world, where the coffee is already so good Starbucks went bankrupt trying to break into the local market.

Israel is a country surrounded on all sides by enemies, but the people’s headaches are caused by the neighbors upstairs.

Israel is the only country in the world, where people read English, write Hebrew, and joke in Yiddish!

Categories: Uncategorized | 2 Comments

<span>%d</span> bloggers like this: