Today’s Funnies

Wise Italian Grandfather
An old Italian man in Brooklyn is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, “Guido, I wan’ you lissina me. I wan’ you to take-a my chrome plated ..38 revolver so you will always remember me.”
“But grandpa, I really don’t like guns.. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?”
“You lissina me, boy! Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos. “
“Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. “Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, ‘Times up!’ ?”
____________________________________________________
Irish blonde… 
An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland, arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.
She said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude.” with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, “Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!”
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed. “Yes! Yes! I won, I won!” She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, “What did she roll?” The other answered, “I don’t know – I thought you were watching.”
MORAL OF THE STORY
Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb, 
….. but all men…are men!
____________________________________________________
Global Facts About Sex
At any given moment:
FACT: 79,000,000 people are having sex – right now. 
FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing. 
FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex. 
FACT: 1 old person is reading emails.
You hang in there, sunshine

 

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Categories: Funny | 2 Comments

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2 thoughts on “Today’s Funnies

  1. KODonnell

    Funny! From mom?

    Like

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