Author Archives: Dave

About Dave

I'm in a LD relationship, my girlfriend lives in Ontario. I like funny stuff, pics, etc. I also like tech and star trek tos.

Old goat quiz

Not necessarily for old goats.

Old Goat Quiz

Great mental exercise for the over-60 crowd.
Which of the following names are you familiar with?

1. Monica Lewinsky

2. Spiro Agnew
3. Benito Mussolini
4. Adolf Hitler
5. Jorge Bergoglio
6. Alfonse Capone
7. Vladimir Putin
8. Linda Lovelace
9. Saddam Hussein
10. Tiger Woods

You had trouble with #5, didn’t you?


You know all the liars, criminals, adulterers, murderers,

thieves, sluts and cheaters, but you don’t know the Pope??

Lovely, just lovely….

sometimes I worry about you………..

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The Rabbi’s wife

At Friday night services, Morris goes to his friend Irving and says, "I need a favor. I’m sleeping with the Rabbi’s wife. Can you hold him in the synagogue for an hour after services for me?" Irving is not very fond of the idea but being Morris’ lifelong friend, he reluctantly agrees.

After services, he strikes up a conversation with the Rabbi, asking him all sorts of stupid questions just to keep him occupied. After some time the wise Rabbi becomes suspicious and asks, "Irving what are you really up to"?

Irving, filled with feelings of guilt and remorse confesses to the Rabbi, "I’m sorry, Rabbi. My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."

The Rabbi smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Irving’s shoulder and said, "You better hurry home, Irving. My wife died two years ago!!".

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A Mosquito

This Is Not a Mosquito!! Look closely. Incredible!

Have you ever wished you could be a fly on the wall to spy on what’s going on or being said?

How about being a mosquito instead!

No, this isn’t a real mosquito. It’s an insect spy drone for urban areas, already in production, funded by the US Government.

It can be remotely controlled and is equipped with a camera and a microphone.

It can land on you, and even has the potential to take a DNA sample or leave RFID tracking nanotechnology on your skin.

It can fly through a slightly open window, or it can attach to your clothing until you unwittingly take it into your home. It can then be guided to the top of a curtain or other invisible location where it can scope entire rooms and monitor everything being said.

Given their propensity to request macro-sized drones for surveillance, one is left with little doubt that the government has big plans for these micro gadgets.

And to think we were worried about West Nile virus!

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Important message

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interesting pictures

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Astounding Pictures

Jet wash in the morning mist

]

Unusual cloud. Now we know how to look like angels
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Ice cave, illuminated by a torch
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Ladybug in the morning dew
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Cloud: incredible picture
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Rain over ravninoi – view from the airplane
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One in a million
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The tsunami of clouds
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A magical place in Austria – Grer See
]
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A rare and wonderful atmospheric phenomenon – "fire rainbow".

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Rainbow refraction of light in water droplets
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Morskoi sand under a microscope with a 300-fold increase
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Rhodochrosite – Beautiful Shii mineral, also known as the Rose of the Inca
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The view from the height of 8000 meters
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Splash – from the stone thrown into the water during sunset
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In rare cases, you can see a rainbow at 360 from the plane
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The crystal clear ice of Lake Baikal
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Blooming lotus
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Lavender fields. Dawn. Imagine the aroma …
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Frame-fire: the reflection of the setting sun in her hair
]WOW !

Winter Fairy
]

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Priceless

LOT’S WIFE

The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot’s wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted,

"My Mommy looked back once while she was driving," he announced triumphantly, "And she turned into a telephone pole!"

****

GOOD SAMARITAN

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan. She asked the class,

"If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?"

A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I’d throw up."

****

DID NOAH FISH?

A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?”

"No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two worms."

****

HIGHER POWER

A Sunday school teacher said to her children, "We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times.

But, there is a Higher Power. Can anybody tell me what it is?"

One child blurted out, "Aces!"

****

MOSES AND THE RED SEA

Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School.

"Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt.

When he got to the Red Sea, he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely.

Then he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."

"Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his Mother asked.

"Well, no, Mom, but, if I told it the way the teacher did, you’d never believe it!"

****

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD

A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible – Psalm 23.

She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter.

Little Rick was excited about the task – but he just couldn’t remember the Psalm.

After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.

On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous.

When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly,

"The Lord is my Shepherd, and that’s all I need to know."

****

UNANSWERED PRAYER

The preacher’s 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why.

"Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages.

"I’m asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon"

"How come He doesn’t answer it?" she asked.

****

BEING THANKFUL

A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says your prayers for you each night?

That’s very commendable. What does she say?"

The little boy replied, "Thank God he’s in bed!"

****

TIME TO PRAY

A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night.

"Yes, sir." the boy replied.

"And, do you always say them in the morning, too?" the pastor asked.

"No sir," the boy replied. "I ain’t scared in the daytime"

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How Is Norma?

A Sweet Grandmother

Telephoned St. Joseph ‘s Hospital. She timidly asked,

"Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"

The operator said,

"I’ll be glad to help, dear. What’s the name and room number of the patient?"

The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, Norma Findlay, Room 302."

The operator replied,

"Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse’s station for that room."

After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said,

"I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal and her

Physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow."

The grandmother said,

"Thank you. That’s wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good

News."

The operator replied,

"You’re more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"

The grandmother said, "No, I’m Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me shit."

TRUE STORY

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Art Collector’s Wife

A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called his client.

"Saul, I have some good news, and I have some bad news."

The art collector replied, "I’ve had an awful day. Give me the good news first."

The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she just invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15 million to $20 million, and I think she could be right."

Saul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You’ve just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"

The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you and your secretary."

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Canadian Winters.

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